Tuesday 2nd of August 

I feel like I have spent the past two or so years running from an unknown force. I don’t know if this is just that my ex was always pissed off and thas had a bad effect on me or if I can help but run when the going gets tough. I would like to hope that it’s just been my ex but you never really  know what’s going on in your sub conscious. 

I’m just about to move in with my current boyfriend  and I’m very excited. I feel like a kid in a candy shop,  we get to pick where we’re moving and it’s all going to be a joint decision but the one thing that I can’t help but think is that the last time I went to move in with my partner everything started off great and then all of a sudden things started to change, I started to change. Things that I thought were normal, weren’t and things that were I didn’t get.  

He was a very hard guy to get along with, I don’t know many people that at haven’t been in a fight with him(my ex that is). My mother hated him, as did my father and just about everyone,  I don’t know why my best friend let me date him but we all do that at some stage, we end up dating a guy (or many)  that end up being someone totally different by the end of the relationship.  

The first guy I dated he could have very well been the guy I spent the rest of my life with. And yes I will freely still admit it.  He was an amazing guy, a bit misjudged but nevertheless a good guy and wouldn’t do anything to hurt me but being young you do dumb things. A cute guy talks to you and then suddenly something that is totally easy is somehow completely complicated. 

I think that’s something that everyone has to go though,  the bad eggs.  Because at some stage you have to figure out who you are and what you want to do.  Sometimes you do get it easy and then other times, you fuck it. Everything becomes a mess and you have to pick yourself up off the ground and find out who you really are.  

You will get to there.  I have. And I will continue to move forward, currently I have someone that is very happy to move forward with me but you never know that could all change.  You have to take each day as it comes.  

“Stars can’t shine without darkness. ” D.H. Sidebottom, Fragile Truths.


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