In Five Days

It’s almost been a year since my grandma has been gone and it’s only just now that we are having her will finalised. It’s a good feeling in one way but another is that the time to mourn is over. There isn’t anything that I could have done then or now, that would have made any difference. 

I felt like such a shitty  granddaughter, the last day that she was alive I had a guy feeling to go see her,  but I put it down to just feeling sick or something like that.  Thinking to myself there’s no way that she could die today,  we just moved her.  She’ll be fine.  She’ll be fine.  But that’s the thing, she wasn’t and I should have followed my gut.  I should have gone, I shouldn’t have waited. I should have followed my gut and forever more I will follow my gut.  

I haven’t really written anything about this either in a while or ever. I feel like when I write about it or even if I talk about it that I’m looking for someone to pitty me and I know that’s not true and people who my be seeing it that way,  but for me I feel like I should have moved on by now and I shouldn’t be sad, I shouldn’t feel anything.  But I do and it shouldn’t be a bad thing to talk to people about this. I don’t really what to do about this or if this is normal.  It’s just something that I have to deal with day to day.  

“Don’t cry because it’s over,  smile because it happened.” Dr Seuss

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