I got to work yesterday and I had this overwhelming feeling, like I didn’t belong or the people that I work with are suddenly thinking little of me. You know all the bad things that your brain comes up with for you. I don’t know what it was about yesterday but I keep feeling like something was off. It might sound a little presumptuous to think this but I have a feeling that this sudden feel might have been set on by the ‘new’ Batista. She seemed good enough maybe her coffee was a little cold but other then that she seemed really nice. I always feel like I should be okay with new people coming on to our Batista team but a part of me always think, /what if they fire me? What if I’m not good enough?/ and dumb things like that.
I don’t really know. I do know that this month is really hard on me. With it being the year anniversary for my grandparents deaths and such. But at the same tine I know the they would have wanted me to be happy and to keep moving forward.
I haven’t missed a gymnastics session for the past three weeks and I have I think, two more to go before the terms over. I am looking at doing another course at the same time so that I have more to do with my time. I do find that I am sitting at home much more often then I use to be/should be. Either way it needs to change and at the moment the only thing that is really giving me any joys gymnastics, so why would I want to stop doing that? Why wouldn’t I want to do more?
There is the fact that I haven’t really spoken to my dad since we got back from Thailand. I think that it’s just the fact that I have been working two jobs and both jobs I have to talk to people which always takes any fun about talking to family or friends. I know it’s wrong but I just haven’t been able to deal with anyone else’s problems, mine are enough.
“There’s only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” – Albert Einstein